Philippians 4:10-12
10 How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. (NLT) (emphasis mine)
It has been an exceedingly tough year and a half for me. I have wrestled with many things and I have wrestled with God about many things. The biggest challenges for me have been trying to find goals to aim myself toward and the other has been even tougher. Being broke. So broke that I was spending even more money that I didn’t have on late fees on late rent and insufficient fund fees to the bank (automatic withdrawals to pay bills is not always wise!).
There have been some extraordinary occurrences in the past 18 months as well. Successes and challenges in the political arena and extraordinary success with some of my videos. I even had one story make it on Glenn Beck! Amazing! And even though all of that notoriety is fun, it doesn’t pay. I am trusting that it is all leading somewhere, but in the meantime it was discouraging to be on national TV but at the same time having to walk to work because I couldn’t afford gas for my car.
But God has been showing me some amazing things in the middle of all this struggle for money and goals. The main message has been, quit struggling, trust and wait. To say that is not easy is an understatement. How can you not struggle when you feel like you are a chunk of taffy in a taffy machine?! The best answer to that has been in the period of my want and need God has shown up in many extraordinary ways.
The biggest and best is the way he has used my friends and family to help support and encourage me! Especially some dear friends of mine who hired me to do work, fed me when I was hungry and spoke life and encouragement when inside I felt like I was dying. God Himself is constantly reminding me that He is with me, that He hasn’t forgotten me and that He has a wonderful plan for my life. Just trust, wait and be thankful.
Lately I feel like I am turning the corner. I am still struggling with my finances, but at least my rent and car payments are now on time. I’ll take that victory. My dear friends are now like family. Another great gift. My family is closer then ever. And I am learning to be content with less. Granted I still haven’t arrived, but as I struggle less and trust God more I continue to see and feel Him encouraging me. I have learned so much in the last year and a half. Lessons that will serve me well in the future. The blessing of friends and family and God’s Love are more precious then a winning lottery ticket.
“Things” are coming a bit more into focus for me. I am blessed to be a blessing even if that has nothing to do with cash on hand and for that I am thankful. Still waiting on some things, but wrestling less with God and trusting Him more. After all, He has the master plan!
